It has indeed been a very long time between drinks since I last posted any Pulp Alley Adventures. Sadly my life continues in a downward spiral and I just have been unable to find the enthusiasm to get back into my former swing of things. With my wife now loosing her job, things have gotten even harder in this household, so I'll try not to bore you anymore with my trivial life worries.
So Ackerley has been on a bit of a holiday, which means my grasp and recall of the rules is.... at best dodgy, so it's going to take me a while to get back into the swing of things. Hopefully my storey telling will make up for the lacklustre rules explanations until I'm up to speed. So without any more preamble it's storey time....
The gentlemans club which Ackerley and his chums were members of was secreted off Brompton Road in Knightsbridge. It's clientele were select members of society most noted for their eccentricities and well padded cheque books than who they might be nobby with, though that did help. The Bored Boars Club was both envied and reviled within society, it really depended on whether any of the members had done you a turn or you had been done in turn by any of the members.
It was a typical summer downpour in London, the already dim smoking room where Ackerley had seated himself was darker than usual. He had just found THE comfy chair! The smoking room had dozens of plush chairs suitable to take ease in, but only one was THE comfy one. The staff took great delight in swapping the chairs around everyday to ensure that the chair was never in the same place twice. This game of finding the chair was a marvellous game for members and wagers were placed when members entered as to whether they could find the chair. Any Member foolish enough to be found marking the chair in anyway to allow them to find the chair in future visits would be immediately stripped of their membership, as well as suffering a humiliating defrocking ceremony involving a badger, a pound of goose fat, a slice of lemon and a croquet mallet. Best not to dwell to long on those thoughts I'd wager.
So Ackerley has finally found THE chair and had settled in nicely. The rain was beating itself against the windows creating a rhythm most relaxing, the low murmurs from the other members just low enough not to register as detailed conversations, the head waiter had just brought him a double malt scotch, when as the story requires it... an interruption occurs!
From outside the room could be heard some commotion and raised voices. There was definitely the sound of broken crockery, glassware, hmm sounded like a sideboard, some chairs.
The other Members looked over at Ackerley with pitying looks, they had given it before a number of times. The doors to the room opened and the Manager briskly entered, only hobbling slightly as he did so.
"Lord Banning I'm sorry to disturb you..."
"Ackerely" came the screech from outside! The soundproofing doing little to deaden that voice.
"but I must ask you again to remind your mother that this is a Gentleman's Club and that woman are not permitted to enter."
Ackerley reached into his jacket pocket, took out his wallet, removed a 10 Pound note and gave it to the Manager.
"I'm sorry you've been dealt an unwarranted blow to your... self esteem Giles. Please put the repair bill on my account and i'll settle it at the end of the month."
"Ackerley! Get out here you ungrateful spawn." There followed a meaty thud and a high pitch gasp.
"If you would hurry m'Lord, I running out of staff who can restrain her and I would rather the other members not be disturbed any further by her presence."
Ackerley strode down the hallway towards the entrance, on his way the billiards room door opened and Barrington Mallory stuck his head out to see what the commotion was about, Looked to his right be saw his friend and smiled which quickly vanished though upon seeing Ackerleys expression. He then looked left, saw what was in that direction and promptly disappeared back into the room, telegraphing his condolences by facial expression to his chum.
Ackerley came to halt in front of the now silent and still ensemble. An elderly woman was pinned by two hulking staff while a third was in a foetal position rocking back and forth, clearly in agony but not issuing a sound of complaint.
Ackerley sighed, taking out his wallet he lent over the prostate man and gave him a fiver from it before swiftly coming erect and rounding with disdain on his mother.
"Mother, you know quite well the rules, yet you continue to flaunt them and bring our name to shame, which you so often lecture me is of such dire need of rescue! Now why are you here?"
He gestured to the club staff to remove themselves and gripping his mothers arm took her out into the pouring rain. He had a change of clothes here at the club, the old hag would have to return home soaked.
Lady Wisharts face soured with the removal to the outdoors but knew she had pushed her son as far as was possible, especially as it was she who needed the favour this time. Putting a tepid smile on her pale and cadaverous face she said.
"Baroness Cawfowl, a good friend of your father," her smile faltered somewhat at this, perhaps the rumours of there being more to their friendship was true? "has asked us a favour, or more precisely a favour of you as your fathers son!" Yes she was beginning to think there was more to their relationship. "One of her tenants a noted scientist has left and he has left his animals loose on a property she leased to him. Normally this would not be an issue one such as you would need to be involved with, but so far four teams of groundsmen have been lost, I believe eaten by the creatures. She'd like this taken care of discretely, and..."
Ackerley's mind was wandering while his mother was speaking this request. He remembered Baroness Cawfowl or Aunty Lizzy as he knew her rather fondly. A lovely woman, kind, beautiful... the exact opposite to his mother. His father always spent a lot of time at Aunt Lizzies...
"Yes Mother, I'll go, I'm sure the lads will love the chance to bag a new trophy. Where is this property, somewhere foreign I take it?"
"No dear boy, it's here in London. The ruined chemical and munition warehouses that blew up in the war, well they were never rebuilt. The locals claim the chemicals have changed those who live there. Might be why that Moreau person leased the property from her."
"Moreau you say, that name sounds familiar?"
"Well if that doesn't, then I should tell you that the Dean has been spotted in the area. I sure you don't want him benefiting from anything do you now?"
"Damn right I don't! Of you go mother, tell Baroness Cawfowl we'll deal with the problem at once."
Ackerley pushed his mother forcefully further into the rain and onto the road, and quickly dashed back into the warmth and safety of the club. He threw the bolts on the door just as a precaution, you never could trust the hag to stay out.
Now for a warm bath, change of clothes a feed and tomorrow morning an adventure in London!
|Moreau's left over creatures, the ones he left behind... or did he?|
|Ah, Ackerley appears to have found a bear!|
|Batty takes on Project X and makes a stirling job of... nothing.|
|The Dean spends much of the adventure directing Hagar in the pursuit of happiness?|
No it was the complete opposite, no specimen caught at all!
|Good old reliable Sir Garfield, wait until you see the whites of their eyes.|
Bloody thing got that close I could see what poor bastard it had eat last!
|Assistant Fu sadly realised he was small enough to fit inside the stomach of|
a giant toad/frog, they are still determining the species.
|Plant 101 had a bad case of aphids which attracted the giant mantis.|
|Miss Agenda found the spider, lost her heels in the muck making her exit.|
|Lady Wishart last seen up to her chin in chemical waste... |
no one appeared to be concerned about her safety...